


Waking

by smallestbrown



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Dialogue, F/M, Post-Episode: s03e02 Wanheda Part 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-29
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2018-05-17 01:49:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5849251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallestbrown/pseuds/smallestbrown
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She haunted his every move, and he heard her voice break on the words “just please, don’t kill him,” like they were the wind and the branches. And then she came in his nightmares.</p><p>Post "We are Wanheda Part 2" (3x2).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Waking

Bellamy felt like he was falling. His steps were weighted, disconnected, his body barely holding up under the weight of his Ice Nation disguise. Pain was spiking through his leg, smarting at his jaw. The air around them echoed with Clarke, swarmed with her words, with the crack in her voice as she had begged for his life. He heard it in his head over and over, and each time his stomach felt like it was being wrenched out from inside of him.

He threw up in the med bay when they arrived at Arkadia. The doctor blamed the wounds, the dehydration. Prescribed some kind of tea to quell the nausea, told him in a monotone voice: “Drink up.”

It tasted foul every time.

He dreamt about her for days, after that. She haunted his every move, and he saw her everywhere: in the faces of kids running around camp, in the commands shouted at med bay, in Gina’s eyes. He heard her voice break on the words “just please, don’t kill him” like they were the wind and the branches.

Then she came in his nightmares.

He would see again and again the way her eyes had changed so quickly when he had tried to undo her ties; he could feel her skin and her coarse, stained hair under his hands. He would breathe her in and think, "Finally." Relief came in like an unexpected flood, and every time he was crushed by the waves. 

Until one night, he would find her, hear her scream _look out!_ And he would watch in horror as the grounder knife went straight through her chest.

Some nights he would cradle her cheek and she’d spit in his face, “I didn’t want you to come.” Some nights he’d say her name and she wouldn’t hear him, wouldn’t see him. Some nights there would be no grounder, and he’d carry her out safely, only to have her die in his arms.

Some nights the cave would be empty. Some nights he’d find her already dead.

But each time he would wake up screaming, her name on his lips. He’d taste tea and would bite his tongue until he could taste blood instead.

Bellamy found it was easier to try and work through the nights. Clarke’s ghost followed him as he did, but at least during the day she stayed silent. At night, sometimes, he’d hear her mutter “Murderer” as he undid her bonds, or curse him under her breath. 

One night Gina locked him in his room. “You haven’t slept in days, Bellamy,” she said from the other side of the door. He heard the ache in her voice, felt the ache in his bones. “Please.”

He paced for hours until he finally settled on his bed. He saw Clarke sitting across the room, her eyes blank. He turned toward the wall and shut his eyes. He knew she would come there, too.

“Please,” he whispered one last time, and he felt the monster of his nights clutch him again. He swallowed hard, his words almost a prayer. 

“Please. I’ll do anything.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so happy I can watch episodes as they come out now, and 3x2 was GREAT! Who's with me on that one?


End file.
